Once the pageantry of the Easter services was over, it was time to drive home, to find a table littered with the foil from chocolate eggs, children retreated to their bedrooms until something of interest happened. For Mika, that was his return, and she took the stairs far too fast before latching onto his leg.
He scooped her up, pretending to groan under the weight. “Happy Easter to you too, Mika. Wow, you’re getting big, is it all the chocolate you’ve been eating? Or is it the weight of all the chocolate left on your face, hmm?”
She licked as much of her face as she could reach with her tongue, and he poked her nose playfully as he carried her into the kitchen. “Missed a bit.” Which a wet cloth sorted out, though it couldn’t do anything about her dress. Fortunately, Megan had changed her out of her best frock after church; this one was orange and pink which, while not hiding the mess, at least made it less evident than it would have been on white, and was slightly less likely to stain. He crouched to put her down, and she fastened herself to his leg again.
“Good morning?” Megan twisted enough to peck him on the cheek, then returned to the dessert she was assembling.
“Quite nice, decent congregation, good hymns. You?”
“Baptism, always nice. Choir was a bit thin, think they’d all decided it was a holiday. Get off Tom’s leg, Mika, so he can help me. Yeah, and they had some shakers and bells and stuff for the children in one of the songs, because there’s no way that can possibly go wrong, you know, with a few babies present…”
“Go and play for a bit, Mika, lunch’ll be ready soon.” Tom nudged her towards the door, and she ran off happily enough. “All making a joyful noise unto the Lord…” Mika was out of earshot now. He leant against the counter. “Do you think we should get Mika baptised? You know, if… everything follows the plan.”
“Depends on her, doesn’t it?”
“Obviously, but she’s only four, and young for it, below the age of reason. She’d go with what we say and, well, I’ve always been glad my mum had me done as a baby. Makes it a little bit easier later. This is all assuming she hasn’t been baptised yet, of course.”
“Like her parents would have bothered.”
“Yeah. It's not likely, but it's possible.”
“And you want to check." She shrugged. "I'll leave that to you.”
“Yeah." He tapped his fingers on the counter. "I'm wondering about the others.”
“Liza, wouldn’t be an issue. Mars? We’d have to give him the option too. But Charley, especially if we’re talking to Mars about it…” Megan glanced round, checked the doorway. “It always comes back to Charley. Poor kid.”
“Obviously, it’d be easier to leave it to them when they’re older. Save upset. But why should they wait?”
“If we go ahead with the plan, that’s going to cause some difficulties anyway. We can offer it to all of them, I think Mika and Mars will both want to, Liza’s in a different position, but Charley? But the others matter too, we can’t not offer them things to keep Charley happy.”
“But we need to do what we can for her.”
“We are.” She sighed. “There’s also something… it might mess up plans a bit but… I’ve almost talked to you a few times…”
“Is it about surnames?” The conversation they still hadn’t had.
“What? No. Though… yeah, double-barrelling would sound stupid. Carter-Fournier… Fournier-Carter? And I think we’ve more reason to keep yours than mine.”
“Fournier-Carter's alright. Or I’d be perfectly happy to take yours, if you like.”
“And for that reason, we’ll take yours. Especially given how much family matters to you.”
He was quiet. She was right, he didn’t want to lose that last tie. However much he moved on… “Thanks. If you’re sure. You don’t have to change yours.”
“It’s easier for the kids. If things go according to plan.”
“You can think about yourself too.”
She shook her head. “I do. But this really isn’t that important.”
“Um… so what were you going to say?” He was supposed to be good at listening.
“Well… I’ve talked to Steve, a bit – at church. You know I’ve been doing more stuff. And I’ve been meaning to talk to you, but it’s… I think…”
He waited patiently as she wrestled her mouth around the words.
“I think God’s calling me to be a vicar.”
Well. That was unexpected. “Right. Well, okay…” He’d talked vocations to enough people, had had conversations with Nick, the Bishopthorpe intern; and back at St Andrews, with Mary, at the start of what had been a long journey for her, a long journey which had put her – now, at last – in theological college. And of course he’d been on the other side. But with Megan, it was a different kind of relationship, a relationship he was still trying to get his head around. “So, then… how are you feeling about this?”
“Um… I dunno? Kind of… confused? Excited?”
“And you’re talking to Steve?”
“Yeah. A couple of times, I wasn’t sure, and then that Chrism service… hearing the ordination vows, all of that. God was like… I knew.”
“Ah.” He leant against the table. “I think… you definitely need to look at it. See if there’s anything there. Take it slowly – not that I think you might be mistaken, just that… it takes a long time to really see.”
“I never really thought… but then, seeing you, getting more involved here, seeing Steve… and all these other clergy. Hearing about your work. Seeing… all these opportunities, to help people, how much you do.”
“Although it closes as many doors as it opens.”
She shrugged.
“Well… I’ll definitely support you. Obviously. If you follow it right through, or if you just have a look and realise it’s not for you after all. You don’t need me to tell you that the discernment process is difficult, and can be uncomfortable, even painful. Or to remind you to pray through it all.”
“I know.”
He put an arm around her and kissed the side of her temple. “You know I’m always here for you.”
“I do.” She pushed him away. “And the table needs laying. Make yourself useful.”
He stuck his tongue out and gathered up stray colouring pencils, moved the stack of scrap paper to the counter and wiped the wooden top down with a sponge before unfolding the table cloth. “Two and a half months…”
“I could still change my mind…”
He made puppy dog eyes and she poked him.
“Not that I’m going to…”
“Good, I’ve started planning colour schemes for the kids’ rooms…”
“That’s your reasoning?”
“Hey, I’ve put a lot of thought into it!”
“Have you asked them what they want?”
“Um… well I can guess, especially with Mika…”
“Have you asked them?”
“That’s the next step!”
She rolled her eyes at him and then returned to hefting dishes out of the oven. “You fancy yourself something of an artist, don’t you?”
“Just think… all this potential… wasted!”
She flicked him with a tea towel. “And to think, you lock it inside every day, dressed entirely in black…”
“Maybe I should mix it up?”
“Maybe you shouldn’t?”
He sighed exaggeratedly. “Time to summon the hordes?”
“Feeding time at the zoo,” she agreed, shifting the last dish onto the table.
He stuck his head out of the kitchen door. “Time to keep the feast!” Looking back into the kitchen to see Megan laughing, shaking her head.
“You’re ridiculous.”
“Am not.”
“Are so.”
“Okay fine I am. So what?”
She just rolled her eyes. “Set a good example.”
Megan. The only genius he knew who could produce a lamb roast for six, with dessert to follow, for under twenty pounds. Well, okay, his mum had pulled off similar feats of budget management, but it had only been her and two boys, not the full crazy menagerie he and Megan looked after. More accurately, the crazy menagerie Megan looked after - he was definitely a part of it.
“I thought I might go out this afternoon… if that’s okay?”
He finished his mouthful, allowing Megan to beat him to it. “Maybe, where?”
“Just round the park with… some friends. I’ll only be a couple of hours. Please?”
“Anyone I know?”
“Um… maybe. Some of them are from… school. Like Maz… you’ve seen Maz, right?”
“Which one’s she?”
“Brown hair… kind of, bit taller than me, maybe? Lives kind of near the station…”
Which told them… nothing, really. But then, would they really know any of Charley’s friends? At least she’d given them details.
“Go on, then. Just a couple of hours, back by five at the latest. No, not until we’ve all finished eating…” Megan met Tom’s eyes, and he gave her just the hint of a nod. Yes, he agreed, they couldn’t keep her in forever. Full daylight, public place, no protests about time limits. All they could really ask for.
“New bag?” He spotted it and asked, making her pause in the doorway.
“Yeah. Like it?” She held it up defensively.
“Very nice.”
Oh joy. The memories, the alarm bells ringing. What more could they do, except hope, and pray? He returned to the kitchen, dried up as Megan washed. “We should talk to these three. While Charley’s out.”
She glanced at him sharply. “About..?”
“Plans. Future. We were going to wait until after the wedding but… they’ll want to know earlier, won’t they? Give them time to think. Reassure them they’ll still be welcome. Just… with everything that’s happened.”
“You think it’s best?”
“Fairest, really. It’s their lives too.”
“Can’t disagree with that. Of course if we do this…”
“We’ve got to stick to it. I know.”
“But then, in a way, we started committing when we took them in, didn’t we? All this time…”
“In for a penny, in for a pound.” He smiled at her. “If you’d rather leave it then… sure. Just… I figured it’s an idea we should consider.”
“Yeah.” She pushed a smile onto her own face. “Especially now Mars is calling us mum and dad, and Mika is starting to look like she’s wanting to do the same. And Mars is asking questions that make me want to tell him.”
“I’ve had the same. Do you think it’d be okay to do it without Charley?”
“No, but better than telling them with her. Y’know.”
“Yeah. We’re not going to… promise anything.”
“They’re kids, though. Apart from Liza. So we kind of are.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
She sighed. “So, what prompted the change of plan?”
“Just…” he swallowed. “I’m worried. About Charley. But I don’t see what we can do that we aren’t already doing, so I just want to… make sure we do everything we can for the rest of them.”
She sighed. “I hoped it was something else. In a way.”
“You’re worried too?”
“How could I not be? I see her every day, and I'm the one the school calls.”
“The school calls?”
“I mean it's kind of an ongoing dialogue, not something new I haven't told you. They're very good about keeping in touch.”
“I guess.” He sighed. “Her on her own, maybe. The other three, sure. All four?”
“That’s what we signed up for when we took them in.”
“I know.” He swallowed. “What if… she doesn’t turn around? Charley?”
She scrubbed at the roasting dish. “Then we’ve got three more children who need us.”
“And she…”
“Will have to find her own way back, when - if - she eventually realises.” Her breath caught in her throat, but she went on quickly enough. “I’ve thought about it, I’ve read books, I’ve called charities, I've spent hours and hours talking to the safeguarding people at school, I’ve been in touch with the parents of other young offenders…”
“Really? I knew you were doing a bit, but not that much…”
“Yeah. And in the end… we’re doing our best. Y’know?”
He sighed. “Yeah. I know.”
“Anyway… we can give her everything we can, but equally important is making sure the other three are safe, and happy – that’s easier than trying to bring them back later. We should go and talk to them.”
“With nothing about Charley.”
“Except that we’re going to talk to her ourselves.”
“And if they let something slip?”
She turned around, hands dripping soapy water. “You suggested it, and now you’re challenging me with everything that could possibly go wrong?”
He put his arms around her, pulled her into his chest. “I’m sorry. It’s… this whole thing. Alright, let’s just give it our best shot.”
“It’s all we can do.”
“Yup.”
He gave her a final squeeze before releasing her so they could finish returning the kitchen to normal.
“Anyway,” he said after a while, “we’re going to have to start looking at moving everything to my place soon. Giving them rooms there. Asking them about paint colours, as you said. It’s near enough they won’t have to move schools but it’s still… different.”
“Yeah.” She propped the roasting dish up tiredly and poured out the dirty water, before finding another tea towel to help him with the last couple of things. Then she chucked her tea towel over the back of a chair. “Let’s go talk to them.”
A few minutes later, a family meeting – or at least most of one. It was, no denying it, easier to assemble them all without Charley, although a shame to leave her out. But how could they have this conversation with her?
“Your idea,” Megan whispered to him, as the children sat in nervous anticipation, Mika burrowed into Liza's side.
He grinned around. “Relax, nobody’s in trouble.”
“Not even Charley?”
“No, Mars, not even Charley. There’s just something we want to talk to you about, which we’ll discuss with her… separately. Now, you know that Megan and I are getting married soon, and you might be wondering what that’ll mean for you.” Certainly would be, now he’d put the idea in their heads. “Well, first of all, it means we won’t be keeping this house. We’re all going to move to my house, which I think you’ve all been to, once or twice. It’ll mean a tiny bit less space, but there’s a garden – which you don’t have at the moment, it’ll be nice in summer - and a kitchen about the same size as this, and there’s a sitting room for evenings – though I also have to use it to meet people in. Mika and Mars, you’ll have a room each, and Liza – either you and Charley will share, or I can move my desk into mine and Megan’s bedroom, though if we do that I’ll have to leave some of my books and files in your room. But there’s space for all of you, and you’re all welcome.”
“And,” Megan added, “you’ll be near enough you won’t have to move school – though it’ll be a slightly longer bus journey, especially for you, Liza. Although Mika, you might want to go to a nearer school next year, you can stay at your current one if you want though.”
“Anyway,” Tom continued, “we’ve kind of told you this before. What we really want to tell you now is something bigger, an idea we’ve been thinking about for a while. You know how many of the others who’ve lived with us have left to go and live with permanent families, and be adopted? Like Joel? Well, we’d like to try to do something like that for you – especially you two, Mars and Mika. Not until after we get married, but when we do… if you want us to become your parents, officially, we’d like for you to become our adopted children. Which would make us legally responsible for you, and mean that you are our children, forever. If you don’t want to, that’s fine, you can carry on living with us for as long as you like as foster children, nothing will change. If you’d like it to be a bit more formal, we’d be very happy to do that. It would mean you’d take our surname, and could put us on forms as your parents, that kind of thing. It's a long legal process, but you might feel it's worth it.” He smiled at them, was particularly pleased by Mars’ returning beam. “I won’t ask you now, not until after the wedding. You’ve a long time to think about it.”
He turned his attention to Liza. “Liza, I’m focussing this mostly on Mika and Mars because they’re younger – you’re nearly eighteen, when you’ll legally be an adult, and so this wouldn’t make much difference to you. It might not be worth it, with the time it'd take to go through the court process and then all of the fuss about changing names and so on. Changing bank account details, college enrollments, explaining to people you know… and you’ll have a much stronger sense of your own identity, of course. But the option is there if you want it, and as I’ve told you before, you’re welcome with us, just as if you’d grown up here, for as long as you need us. Our house will always be open to you. Does that make sense?”
Liza nodded, and he looked around all of the children, all looking serious.
“And Charley?” It was Mika who piped up.
“We’re going to ask her separately. Things are complicated when you’re a teenager. Do you think you can manage to not talk about it in front of her? Not that I want you to keep it a secret, just that we’d like to talk to her about it first. Okay?”
Nods all round.
“Any questions, anything worrying you, any concerns… you’ll tell us, right? Any time. Either of us. We want to make this as easy and stress-free for you as we can.” He smiled at them. “Now, just out of curiosity – since I hear there was a baptism at church this morning – do any of you know if you’ve been baptised? Any photos, or godparents, or remember being taken to church? I’m just interested.”
Mika stuck her thumb in her mouth. He hadn’t expected her to know anyway. Mars shook his head, while Liza nodded. “I’ve got a godmother. She used to come round, until I was… about eight, maybe? When we moved. And a godfather, only knew him because he sent Christmas cards though. My mother didn’t like the idea of me writing back.”
He nodded. “Well, I was just interested to know. Anything you want to ask us? Or anything you’d like to do this afternoon, before Charley gets home?” Just let the baptism question sit.
“Can we play a game?”
“You want to play a game?”
“Yeah!” Mika jumped up and down.
“Well, we can play a game then. What kind of game? Mars, Liza, you going to help choose..?”
Oh how easy it was, in Charley’s absence. With these three, just kids who wanted to be safe, who wanted to be loved, who wanted to play. Not so different to Charley, perhaps, except that they knew how.
No comments:
Post a Comment