“No Dot?”
Ruth looked up slowly. “No.”
“Oh.” Isla formed the question before saying it. “Has she… passed away?”
“Yes.” Ruth kneaded her brow with her fingers. “Yesterday, while I was out. That wasn’t why you came in…”
“No, I was just bringing you the documents for the liturgy meeting.” Isla handed them over and stepped back, looking again at the empty space under Ruth’s desk. “I’m sorry. She’ll be sorely missed.”
“She will. Thanks for these.”
“By all of us here, I know.”
“She was an old dog, it won’t be any great surprise. I’ll work out how to break the news later.”
“If you want me to help, or do it for you, just say.”
“Thanks. That would… probably help. Make sure I’m not there.”
“Would you mind me sending an all-staff email? I can send it to you for approval if you want, or if you prefer I can just do it myself and you can delete it without opening it. It would be... the easiest way of telling everyone without a huge fuss.”
“Yeah. That'll be fine, I don't want to see.”
“I'll do that. I'd leave you off it but... then I'd have to input email addresses manually and probably miss someone. Also if you need any help… burying her. Or anything. You don’t have to do it by yourself.”
“I’ll figure that out later. I took her to the vet last night, they’re looking after her… body.”
“Of course. Well, you know where I am. You don’t have to do it all yourself.”
“Thanks. There’s no need for fuss. She was an old dog, it was time.”
“It’s still hard. Treat yourself gently.”
“Mmm. Right, I have work to do…”
“Sure, I’ll leave you to it. See you for Council.”
“Indeed.” Ruth’s eyes were back down on her screen already. “You’ll tell the rest of the staff? Before they come and ask me?”
“I will, yes.” Isla paused halfway out the door. “I’m sure many would like to say goodbye at her funeral, if you’d like that. Give her a little Bishopthorpe send-off. Or a separate little tribute. Maybe a drink to her memory. Only if you want that, of course, but people would like it.”
“I’ll just get through today first?”
“Of course. Sorry. See you for Council.”
She closed the door silently behind her and then sat down for a moment. Dot. Poor Dot. Ruth’s ever-present shadow, the Palace’s greatest source of peace. And poor, poor Ruth. Isla rested her chin on her hand and stared out of the window. Had she been supportive, or made fuss Ruth didn’t want? There was a lot she hadn’t said, but should she have left everything for later, once the initial shock had passed? Or did she need to be helping Ruth now? Nigh on impossible to know, when Ruth would never ask.
Anyway, she had a job to do. She opened her emails, slowly, and drafted a message.
Good morning,
I have some sad news to share on Ruth's behalf. Dot passed away yesterday. As we all know, she had been in poor health for some time so this is no great surprise, however that doesn’t mean it isn’t difficult. We are all used to Dot’s presence, as a very special member of our community here, and naturally Ruth is especially affected by her loss. She would prefer to carry on as close to normal as possible, and I'm sure you will all be supportive of her in this, avoiding making too much fuss. I know that this kind of news can trigger all kinds of emotions for all different reasons, if you need any support then please don't hesitate to ask. Finally, please do keep Ruth in your prayers.
Best wishes,
Isla
She sent the email, and barely five minutes later Karen was at the door.
“Isla. Thank you for your email, breaking the news, it’s a real shame to hear. Now I know it’s not the time but… well, it’s the reality of my job. We’ve featured Dot a lot on social media, people love her, so… obviously not now, but at whatever point you feel it’s appropriate to ask, it’d be good if Ruth were willing to let us share a small tribute to her. I’m afraid that’s the trouble with having a fanbase…”
“Of course. I’ll keep it in mind.”
“Thank you.”
Isla got up then, partly to avoid visits from anyone else, heading down in search of Sister Helena. “Sad news, I’m afraid, I’m delivering it to save Ruth having to do so. Dot died yesterday. Not entirely unexpected, but still…”
“A real shame. And to end such a happy day. I’ll miss our dear Dot, we all will. How is the Archbishop?”
“Sad, naturally, but determined to carry on without a fuss.”
“Of course. Hard, when Dot was so well known here. I often looked after her when Ruth had to travel for work, if it’s appropriate then please do tell Ruth that I will miss her greatly. Will she be laid to rest in the garden here?”
“I don’t know.”
“Ruth may not feel it is her right, but Dot was a part of this place and I think everyone would be happy to remember her here. Unless of course she has a better place in mind.”
“I’ll say so if the topic comes up, though of course it’s Ruth’s personal life and she doesn't want to discuss it.”
“I understand, though our lives are never entirely personal. Well, thank you for telling me, and do say if there is anything I can do.”
“Thank you, Sister. Do please pass it on to Sister Joan.”
“I will.”
Isla returned to her office, and to work. Much as Dot’s death affected them all, they were really only colleagues. To push themselves into something like this wasn’t appropriate, it wasn’t their place – even if in places boundaries blurred, because was anything in Ruth’s life really private? Her job wasn’t one Isla envied.
With a sigh, she picked up the Church Times and scanned again through the various adverts. There was one thing in which Isla did envy Ruth: her ability to make decisions, to be in control, at least to an extent. Who would succeed her? The rumours had begun, of course, but what did that tell anyone? Bets in favour of Julia, in Durham – but she was another woman. Or else William, down in London, but he’d only been there three years. Then there were the other names, all with something to commend them, all possibilities, some for whom Isla would be delighted to work, others for whom she would not. Not that it would necessarily be her choice anyway. She continued scrolling through the listings. Something else would come up.
Ruth emerged for Archbishop’s Council, and they walked downstairs together in silence. Ruth, without her shadow – although that had become at least a little more familiar in the final weeks, Dot left to sleep beneath the desk more and more often. Isla said nothing, and nor did anyone else, and Ruth gave no real indication that anything had happened. The morning’s meetings went by as normal, followed by midday Eucharist, followed by lunch.
Ruth disappeared up the stairs, leaving Isla to walk to the staff kitchen alone, to grab her lunch out of the fridge and queue briefly for the microwave, and then to join Matty and Jonathan at one of the tables.
“You’re on your own today.”
“I am. How’s archives?”
“Oh you know. Still there.”
“Good. I’d be concerned otherwise…”
“Yeah. One job, and all.” Matty laughed brightly. “We’ve been putting together stuff from yesterday, which is good fun. Going through photos, collecting newspaper articles, all of that.”
“And looking out the stuff we have on Dot, in case there’s anything might have a use.”
Matty elbowed Jonathan, but Isla just gave him a forced smile. “We’ll see in a few days, perhaps. I know Ruth doesn’t want any fuss.” She picked at her lunch, a concoction of couscous and vegetables that had seemed much more attractive last night. “You know how much I despise aubergine?”
“You're... the one who made it, right?”
“Yeah. The recipe looked good. I thought it'd be okay. Promising veggie recipes often feel hard to come by.”
“Well if you are going to be picky…”
Isla rolled her eyes. “I’m not rising to that.”
“Boring.”
“Go on…”
“No.” She shovelled another forkful into her mouth, pulling a face. It wasn't bad really, she just wasn't in the mood. “How was your weekend?”
Matty shrugged. “Pretty chill really. Almost sorry to have missed Tom’s thing yesterday, what with everyone else being there, but… sofa was good too. Especially after Saturday night. Felt like it was more for the people who knew Tom anyway.” She pushed her empty Tupperware aside and opened a packet of crisps.
Isla shrugged. “It was a really amazing service, these occasions always are, a full Minster with a big Bishopthorpe contingent. But yes, all the old guard, the people who were here when Tom was. An afternoon on the sofa sounds like an afternoon well spent. I don't know if I want to ask, but what was Saturday night?”
“Oh, Calleton’s. Me and Iz and a few mutual friends. Many shots were consumed.” She grinned. “Not that I should be talking about this at work!”
“Oh, we don’t want to know all the gory details. How’s Iz?”
“She’s good. Still looking for parts, she’s got auditions this week though for some BBC thing. Working on the full Yorkshire accent, that’s what they’re looking for apparently.”
“Well, good luck to her. How about you, Jon?”
He shrugged. “Baby, obviously. Took Flo to the park, let her splash around in the paddling pool for a bit, too hot to stay out long though. And then… shopping, laundry, early night?”
“Elsie’s still not sleeping through?”
“She’s been getting there, hasn’t been too well these past few days though so pretty miserable and that’s been waking her up. The heat's not helping either. She was looking better this morning, anyway.”
“I’m glad, I hope she’s okay. And I must say, you’re looking remarkably alert for it.”
He laughed. “Coffee. Lots of coffee. Also, Alison takes the brunt of it, especially on work nights.”
“And gets them in the day. Lucky her.”
“Oh yes, it’s definitely not fair. I just… do what I can at weekends. If she decides to go back to work we’ll share more evenly.”
Matty pulled a face. “There are some things I’m glad not to have to worry about…”
“I’m told it’s all worth it.”
“Pass.”
Isla shovelled the last of her lunch into her mouth and closed the box, standing up as she did so. “Okay. Sorry to rush off, I need to check in with Ruth - take up her midday coffee. Good to catch up, if briefly, see you around.”
“You do everything for her, don't you?”
“That does seem to be the role of a chaplain, yes...”
She made the coffee then headed up, to tap on the Archbishop’s office door and wait for the invitation.
“Come in!”
Isla stuck her head round the door. “One coffee, if you want it. And to let you know I'm back from lunch, if you need anything else.”
“Oh, thank you so much.” Ruth moved her previous mug to the side, replacing it with the one Isla had just brought. “So, I’m leaving at about ten past?”
“You are. Just in clericals, right?”
“Yes. Keeping it simple. Notes are in the folder, that’s all I need, so… just make sure you chase me out on time? You’ll be okay doing the minutes from this morning? Once you’ve done that, maybe… horseracing convention, is it? Why the fuck I’m doing that I don’t know but there you go. Then if you get through that…”
Isla laughed and shook her head. “I’ve a list of jobs as long as my arm, I’m not going to run out. Also, I have your diary.”
“Sorry. I’m being silly. Overthinking.”
“It’s fine. Do you want me to come? I can sit in the car and work…”
“No, it’s fine.”
“Wendy Cope’s looking for a meeting, by the way, am I okay to slot her in?”
“Oh yes, I told her she could.”
“And Cathy Aldridge looking for a reference…”
“Cathy… events Cathy?”
“That’s the one.”
“She should be asking Kath, why is she not asking Kath? I have enough clergy to worry about without adding junior staff, that’s literally Kath’s job. Head of Staff. Besides, Kath actually knows who she is.”
“I’ll talk to her. Tactfully.”
Ruth looked slightly bashful. “Yeah. You do that. Thanks.”
“Sure you don’t want me to come this afternoon?”
“It’s literally just a school assembly, I did those as a curate.”
“As did we all. Okay, I’ll stay and get on with things here. Call if you need anything.”
“No need to baby me.”
“I’m not. Sorry if it came across that way.”
“You are. But whatever.”
“I’m making sure I’m supporting you properly.”
“Feels more like fussing. I’m perfectly competent, you know. Now, can I get on?”
Isla shrugged. “Well, if you change your mind… anyway, I’ll get out of your way and stop irritating you. Pass that mug and I'll wash it up later.”
“I'll do it myself.”
“As you prefer.”
She returned to her own desk, logged back onto her computer, and drilled her focus into writing up minutes. Mental promise, she was going to steer well clear of all of Ruth’s buttons - or at least try.
She heard Ruth leave, twenty minutes later, straight down the corridor without glancing in to say goodbye. Great work, Isla, just what you needed to not do: make it worse. She tried to reassure herself; Ruth would be fine, she'd done this kind of thing hundreds of times…
But oh, what if one of them asked about Dot? They were children, of course they’d ask about the archbishop’s famous dog. And then what?
There was nothing Isla could do, so she just focused on her work and waited for Ruth to return, before familiar footsteps approached up the corridor, and the door to the next door office opened and closed. Was Ruth okay? What was she doing on the other side of that door? No use wondering, Isla berated herself, it wasn’t her place to know. She returned her focus to her work and waited.
Quarter to five. She waited a few more minutes before rising, tapping softly on Ruth’s door.
“Come in…”
She smoothed down her shirt before opening the door. “Sorry to bother you. Just to say, your diary’s finalised for tomorrow…”
Ruth reached out and picked up her tablet. “Thanks for that. Anything unexpected?”
“Not particularly. Scheduled video call with Lizzie first thing, mission committee… deaconing rehearsal in the afternoon, of course. And obviously there’s the evening confirmation service at St Richard’s. You’re clear from four to give you a break.”
“Great, thanks. And day off on Wednesday.” She sighed and fiddled with a pen. “Hills, maybe. Or… figuring out funeral. If that's the right word when it involves a dog.” She looked up. “Sorry, don’t mind me.”
“Don’t be sorry. Um, funeral… if you want company-“
Ruth started to shake her head but Isla carried on.
“-Sister Helena said to me earlier, she’d love to know details if she may, at least so she can pay her respects. Since she used to look after Dot for you sometimes…”
“Oh. Yeah, of course.” Ruth twisted her ring. “I’ll see.”
“Sure. Anyway, I just promised I’d pass it on, that and the fact she's happy to help in any way she can, just ask. Also, Karen rather hesitantly mentioned that Dot has an online fanbase thanks to their social media activities, she’d like to update them, perhaps post a small memorial tribute, but only if you’re happy with that. Again, something for another day.”
“Right.”
Isla pushed straight on. “I was going to head home after evening prayer, is that okay? Everything’s ready for Mission and I’ve emailed you the notes for Lizzie.”
“Oh. Yeah, absolutely.”
“Great. I’ll go get ready for evening prayer, see you down there in about five minutes…”
“Of course. Thank you.”
Isla closed the door silently behind her and paused in her office just a second before heading down to the chapel. Was this a better tack, to do things the way Ruth wanted, avoiding depth in the interests of keeping busy? Well, it kept the peace, she supposed, and that was something. Conflict certainly wouldn’t help the situation. And in the end, decisions weren’t hers to make, her job was just to be useful.
She just prayed Ruth would actually take the time to look after herself, and actually allow herself the chance to grieve. And, of course, not fall back into the habits which Dot had saved her from, the reason the dog had first appeared at the Archbishop’s heel four years ago.
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